Let’s use a metaphor to compare choosing a band to choosing a woman or a man. For simplicity, let’s denote the search for a band as the letter G, and the metaphor of finding a life partner as X. Trace the parallels.
| X | G |
|---|---|
| A guy is dating a girl. | A musician is looking for a band, finds one, and goes to rehearsals for a while. |
| At some point, he realizes he’s fallen in love and, after a while, proposes to the girl. | The musician realizes he likes playing in this band and asks his colleagues to let him stay with them. |
What problems could arise here?!
| X | G |
|---|---|
| Firstly, it’s just plain selfishness. The guy fell in love and doesn’t care what the other person feels for him. | The musician wants to play in a band without knowing how his colleagues feel about him. |
| Second, If the guy is in love, his understanding of love may not coincide with the girl’s (we can’t know what feelings mean to someone else until we ask directly). | If a musician enjoys playing, they may not know what the band members think of their playing. |
| Thirdly, It’s possible it’s just a hobby (their smile, their conversation, their gait, their appearance—you might fall in love with them, but it’s just a shell). | It’s also possible that the band doesn’t need such a musician; they’re just playing with him because no one else showed up. |
What follows from this?
| X | G |
|---|---|
| What are dates and connections for? No, not for going to movies and restaurants together. | What are trial rehearsals for? No, not for playing songs and going out. |
| Dates are for learning about a person so that they can align with your values. | Rehearsals with a group are necessary in order to learn the values of colleagues and the group as a whole. They also help you determine whether you share the band’s interests. |
As for choosing a band, the situation is the same. First, you “date” with the future band, learn about their values, evaluate your skills and abilities, determine how you can contribute to the group, get to know them better (rehearsals), and then make a final decision.
In exceptional cases, you’ll choose a band for a long term (5-10 years), more often for six months to a year, often just to perform a single song or complete a project.
If you’re immediately hired without rehearsals or introductions, rest assured that just as quickly as they hired you, they’ll ask you to leave. A sure sign that the group chose you and not you the group is how long it took you to get into it.
The choice is yours, musicians. Good luck!
Do you play in a band? If so, which one? Tell us in the comments.
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