When leaving a group, when leaving it, you must not do three things: be offended, scold, and envy.
The development of a musical group depends on each member respecting and caring for them. The most important thing is not to “test” your colleague. That is, don’t doubt them or start testing them.
— “Can you play this?!”
— “He can do this, and can you do that?!”
— “Come on, play! It’s been a while since I heard you play!”
— “I don’t think you’re that good.”
All such phrases, both hidden and overt, are aimed at creating competition. It’s a form of envy, no matter how your friends and colleagues explain it.
The desire to see you make a mistake, to find out if you’re still as good as you are, is nothing more than a way to assert one’s status.
Even if you may have been a teacher or mentor before, a mature musician may begin to doubt themselves or, worse, think they already know everything and do it better than you.
Self-affirmation is good in moderation. Therefore, don’t allow yourself to be tested; with such people, the conversation is short: goodbye.
Of course, complete indifference is not a good sign, but neither is a cavalier attitude toward a former teacher.
No matter how much you play, wherever you play, and whenever you play, don’t forget that when you started, your mentor was already capable. After all, it wasn’t for nothing that they taught you those lessons.
Only thanks to it, external or internal motivation, do you succeed in anything. You can’t say that I achieved everything on my own, even if your teacher notes it. We all know that even a self-taught individual watches, reads, notes and uses all the information from sources (experiences) of other people. In other words, a self-taught person only appears to be independent. The truth is – and many may not like this – there are no self-taught people. Everything you know and can do, you have already “seen” somewhere, i.e., you were undoubtedly taught by other people through the prism of your diligence and effort.
Hidden learning is not only books and video tutorials. It’s also being present at rehearsals.
Let’s remember about our mirror neurons in the brain.
Whether we want it or not, we adopt reflexes, decisions, behaviors, and even facial expressions and communication styles from our colleagues. Therefore, claiming that no one taught you anything and that you’re a natural, having figured it all out on your own, is somewhat reckless.
And most importantly, if a mentor praises you, please don’t get too cocky. Often praise is needed for motivation and not for hypocrisy, as musicians from the outside may think.
If you play in a group, there can be no doubts about colleagues, arrogance and envy. If you play, it means something attracts you to that group. Otherwise, it’s best to leave.
I wish you a strong, friendly team, and let’s grow beyond your neighborhood or city.
Come out of the shadows!
